Finding my village to support me in a year of slightly less booze

What is a normal amount of drinking? It’s really up to us to decide but we make it hard to land on an answer.

In our society alcohol is conditioned a reward, we have conditioned ourselves. We created socially constructed ways to drink. “You had a bad day? You deserve a drink. Oh you had a good day, lets have a drink?”

Everyone who knows me knows I love a vino , a champagne, I even love a beer. I’m all for team drinks, I’m a friend you go to when it’s a Tuesday and you feel guilty about drinking too early in the week, “I’m the fun friend” and it’s normal and we laugh it off. And as my mate when I sit there and tell you I’m feeling anxious about the week, just lean over and top up my glass, because that usually works too. Luckily, I do not have a drinking problem but I do have a problem with the amount I drink.

Where did my “normal” come from?… After some solid self reflection.

From a very young age I was exposed to adults around me drinking around the clock, watching my mum go through a myriad of substances day to day, while raising 4 kids and a holding down a job. Occasionally injecting herself on the kitchen table right near where our dinner was served each night. (normal, right?) Images of those events never leave you, they affect the way one behaves and the habits you form after dealing with something so traumatic — it shapes you for the rest of your life. For me, the desensitisation resulted in me normalising the world around me, everyone drinking and feeling like that was less extreme than a shot of heroin, so the extra glass of wine here and there suddenly became “ok”.

When you are exposed to what a severe addiction can do to a life and those you love from such an early age it ensures this is not a path you go down.. However, others are not so lucky and get caught out by the constant social pressure and stigma surrounding the decision to simply say, “not tonight”.

I do however, seem to get support for this is when I tell someone it’s a “problem” — that’s when people stop and listen. Most of us do not have the tools or are ashamed to tell our truths so publicly but the realty is a huge amount of people we know are just like me.. and you. Most of us wish we drank less. 200,000 people in Australia in 2018 actively seek out treatment for some sort of alcohol or drug but is expected that 5 times that amount need help. Due to high cost associated with traditional treatment, lack of education on what addiction is and the enormous amount of shame and guilt attached to asking for support those people are still struggling, today. They are labelled as “bad” and labelled as “junkies” when the truth is they have a disease.

So what?

So what we realise is trauma and stress are not objective truths for drinking or taking drugs but rather individually determined patterns of influence. What we also realise is unless we talk about it or start asking friends about it — early signs of addictive behaviours can and will go unnoticed. I do not have a drinking problem, yet.. But also, my drinking became so fun and normal — no one would know if I did… Let’s try and catch it before people end up in rehab.

If we don’t share these stories, we just preserve the lie that alcohol is all fun and games, while millions of people around the world are addicted and can’t talk about it: 90% of people in the U.S have a problem with alcohol but are not deemed “clinically” addicted. I always had this idea that I had to be falling down, missing work, throwing up on myself to think I deserved the right to ask for support…

Help me find my newer level of normal, please.

I am not going to say I am taking a year off alcohol. Seems completely unnecessary BUT what I will do is commit to me being extremely intentional about when I choose to drink.

So when you see me without a drink in my hand at dinner or at Friday drinks give me a kudos and stop feeling so bloody awkward about it.

AND

On the times I do have a drink in my hand don’t shame me and make comments like: “oh I thought you weren't drinking”. Ask me how my last solid stint of less alcohol went and I will tell you. “fucking magical thanks”.

If you have 15 minutes tonight to think your “addictions” and how you can help yourself or support somebody else it likely won’t be a negative investment of your time. Researching this over time helped me realise that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection.